Bats, pecan swirls, and laundry rooms.

On February 18, 2011, I posted the following on my Facebook wall: “…I've learned to go into this thinking it's less like butterflies, unicorns, and rainbows and more like alligators, thunderclouds, and bats..."

“This, at the time, was representative of everything in my life, at least that’s how I felt then. Cinci was finally recovering from surgery though slowly, I just turned 36 years old and was feeling like it, my “love/dating” life was, well, in need of resurrection, and I began to question God’s plans for my life in a way that was unknown to me.

There are things I know about God. I know them logically; I know them emotionally. He is who He says He is. I am who He says I am. He will do what He says He will do. Sometimes, however, I see His “not now” as “not ever”. Other times I see Him sitting in a chair in the corner of the laundry room laughing at me. He is not mocking me, but He laughs at my unbelief and doubt. He also laughs because I need to lighten up! Sometimes He just wants to have fun with me and make ME laugh with Him and at myself. I much prefer when I picture Him ballroom dancing with me. He looks great in a tux. I am about six years old, my long hair in flowing spiral curls, on His feet while He leads. Those are great times.

I had been in a vile mood since February 6, 2011. I am not sure vile is descriptive enough. It was more like wicked, dreadful, atrocious, awful, and maybe even frightful. This was not a good time to “cross” me. My birthday weekend was more sad than fun. The highlight of that weekend was when my ex-husband’s wife emailed me wanting me to confirm that he and I were not “making a fool of her” and had nothing going on. Okay. If a divorce, over two thousand miles of distance, a country border, and dozens of state borders are not enough to make that clear, she may have other issues. My poor friends BamaGirl and SouthernCharm sure put up with a lot during that time.

Still, as my perennially optimistic self, I tried to continue on, as Maureen would say. I was scheduled to sing at the church talent show on Saturday, February 19^th. I was going to sing “On a Bad Day” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZEkZSZGEA0) originally by Kasey Chambers. My Little Chicken made the track for me.  BamaGirl had a birthday cookout scheduled in my honor Sunday, February 20^th. Thunderclouds took over and I got the fluL. I missed my own birthday cookout. Awkwardly enough, BamaGirl and the other invited guests had the cookout without me and called me to sing me Happy Birthday.

SouthernCharm and I had plans to go to a MeetUp event on Monday, February 21^st. I was in no mood but had agreed to keep our plans. I needed to keep our plans or become violent and obscene. I am not sure how to do the latter so off we went to the Mexican restaurant. All the while, I have “other” things on my mind (back-story may be revealed at a different, more appropriate time). We go in and sit down. I begin to ramble. I ramble frequently, but I don’t typically ramble sarcastically among strangers. This Monday, I didn’t care. I rambled in every way, and every tone.

Very unexpectedly, “he” walks in. In my mind, I paused but only for a second. I was in no mood. Sure, he was tall, good-looking, and very well dressed. Who cares! I am in a vile mood! Additionally, I hated men that night along with many others. He asked if he could sit down. I grunted and motioned to signal my indifference. Jesus sat once again in a chair in the corner of the laundry room laughing at me. I didn’t realize that until later. I think Jesus has a lot of fun watching me “grow”.

I continue to ramble, about pecan swirls as my personal crack and other rather odd subjects. Rambling is difficult to explain. Somehow my rambling was interesting to this guy (later I would learn he’s a man) sitting next to me! He was engaging, intelligent, funny, good-looking (did I say that already?), and just great to be around. I still didn’t care. I was in a vile mood.

On Tuesday, February 22^nd, I thought about this guy and how fun it was to just converse and ramble. I still didn’t care much about him as a “guy” but I thought he was fun. I like fun. I like fun with good-looking intelligent people and I tend to be welcoming and polite. I wanted him to know I had fun and that I hoped to see him at other events. Well, it was self-serving only in the fact that he was about the only person close to my age besides SouthernCharm. I like making friends. I let him know via email. The rest is history, as they say. He went from being some guy to being Triple M.

What does this have to do with bats, pecan swirls, and laundry rooms? I am not sure. I can’t explain fate. I can’t explain God’s goodness in my life either but I can be thankful for it. Where I once was stuck on what I didn’t have, whom I had not met, past bad choices, or letting God be God, I am now just trying to give more than I get.

Rambling on…